As Long As I'm Here
by Flat to Layered
Summary: Life hurts, and it hurts some more than others. Luckily for Debbie, she's got the perfect person to help her through a true life or death struggle. The story is complete, but I did plan a sex scene that I decided not to add because the story's good as is. Let me know in a review or something if you want me to add it!


**After one year, I'm finally back! I actually decided to take my writing seriously and add some plot and character depth to the mix. Please don't check out my other story; it's absolute trash I wrote when I was bored. I do plan on rewriting it very soon so stick around to read about it's greatness. This story is complete, but I did have a sex scene planned! I didn't add it because the story is nice as is however if you want to read it, leave a review or something!**

A nasty burp ensnared with alcohol went off in her face. She shifted Joseph away from her out of instinct only to regret it a second later when he almost fell in the street. He didn't seem to react in any way, instead choosing to stare rather blankly at a street lamp.

"Your neighborhood has nice lights Debbie, almost as nice as your eyes...," She tripped over her two feet in surprise, nearly sending both of them to the ground.

"Don't say such things. You know how they make me feel," she took a pause to enjoy his closeness, "I don't mind you drinking, but why weren't you more responsible?" She shuffled around so she could get easier access to the keys in her pockets.

"If you want I can get drunk with you anytime."

It felt like all the blood in her body was rushing to her face so much so that she ended up dropping her keys. Joseph stifled his laughter as he swayed side to side.

"That wasn't very responsible of you Debbie..."

"You know what else isn't responsible? Getting wasted to the point you couldn't drive home and then laughing at your friend for dropping her keys."

"You're still thinking about that?"

"Your hangover's going to be a killer in the morning. I'll set out some medication."

"Don't forget to save some of those meds for yourself."

"Pardon?"

"Did you forget that fast? I said I'd get drunk with you anytime. I'm sure you're holding out something strong in there. Remember that time you offered the girls wine at the club?"

"That was a one time offer that I regretted almost immediately."

"So that's a no then?"

She hummed in slight worry. Where could her keys have gone if they landed right in front of her?

"Joseph?"

"Yes beautiful?" He said, unusually flirty.

"..."

"Please lift your foot. I want to see something or at least try to in this darkness."

"What in the world has my foot ever done to you? Next thing you're gonna ask is to take my foot down to the courthouse so you can get it a restraining order. My foot has rights."

She couldn't help but giggle. Despite being uncomfortable (not in a bad way of course), it was nice to see that the alcohol hadn't taken away his sense of humor.

"Pretty please. Just for me."

He complied, but not without some grumbling that she couldn't quite make out.

"Whoops..." Underneath his foot were her house keys, glistening in the night. She simply hummed with an odd mix of satisfaction and disappointment at having to end their little moment. She looked over her shoulder at Joseph's half lidded chocolate brown eyes with a sense of wonder, taking note that he didn't seem to be very observant in this state. She opened the door up and led them both inside. She closed the door with the back of her foot.

"Wait Debbie...why are we at your house?"

"You said my house was a good hour closer and that you felt bad enough asking to come get you this late so you asked me if it was okay to stay at my house." She made such a fuss about it earlier to appear responsible and yes she felt that way, but his presence was a much welcomed change from the usual loneliness that was her house. It felt livelier already despite being shrouded in pitch blackness from the lights not being turned on.

She could hardly remember a time where someone was here besides her. Even if drunk, she couldn't help but cherish every single second into her memory especially since she couldn't see him ever coming over a second time.

"Out of curiosity, why didn't you get Bobby to pick you up. You two are neighbors so he'd be right at home when he dropped you off."

"*burp* Bob who?"

"Bobby...your best friend...the guy that goes to school with us and to the journalist club...the person always willing to help his friends in anyway possible..." She felt her deadpan stare coming on, unable to believe her ears.

"Ohhhh...Bobby...yeah. He needs his rest. The last thing we need is to give him a proper excuse for sleeping in late again...WOAH!"

"What's wrong," she said, placing a hand over her heart.

"Somehow it just got a whole lot brighter in here...I must be more hammered than I thought-"

"I turned the lights on..."

"Oh...you gotta tell me when you do that. For a second I was starting to think one of your books turned the lights on..."

She shook her head, feeling an odd mix of amusement, shame, and disbelief. It sounded like a backwards premise to a next generation horror title.

"You gonna get undressed or something so you can get ready for bed?"

"Nah you just throw me on that couch over there. Looks comfy anyway."

She frowned, "No I insist. There's a spare bedroom in the back ready for use."

"See now you're making me want to sleep on the couch even more. You make it sound like you've been telling this couch secrets that you don't want me to know about. What is your relationship with this couch?"

"..."

"..."

"I think I'll just set you down in the bed anyway..."

"Don't you do it. Don't you dare do it. It might take me the better part of the night, but when you least expect it, this couch and I will be thicker than thieves."

She sighs, a bit over dramatic upon further inspection. Was it really so bad that she wanted her friend to be comfortable without the potential to ruin his back for tomorrow. He'd already have to be dealing with a hangover out of this world as well as going to school.

"What will it take to get you in a bed?"

"For you to be in it-" That time, she did fall and she took Jax with her to collide against what was luckily the carpet. At a loss for words, she simply laid there and focused in on the steadily quickening beat of her heart. 'He's drunk. He can't possibly mean what he's saying' she told herself, forcing the weird fluttery feeling down so she could concentrate on getting the two of them up. So lost in her thoughts, she almost didn't notice her red arm left uncovered by her sleeve. Quickly covering it up because her life depended on it, she prayed to whatever deity that watched over humanity that the boy leaning on her didn't see anything.

Joseph clutched onto her with one hand, but when his other hand went to do the same, that was when he clutched her left breast. He seemed to know something felt off because she felt like she was getting groped. Too tunned to react, she did nothing to stop him as he rubbed at her chest sensually almost like he was searching for something or dealing with something delicate. He gave her chest a firm smack, somehow managing to tease her hardening flesh through her shirt and bra. She stifled a moan from coming out of her throat before reluctantly pushing him away. Somehow throughout the whole exchange she was out of breath and shaken up.

"S-sorry, I didn't realize what I was grabbing...To be fair, Connie was right about them being big and beautiful...Actually ignore everything I just said after sorry. I was trying to make the situation less awkward as hell. Did not succeed..."

"I'll say. You're trying to jump to fourth base," she laughs nervously, attempting to make light of the situation, but only managing to embarrass herself in the process. He didn't respond. She felt scared that he might get the wrong message...well it was technically the right message, but not at the same time? She wanted to ram her head in the wall, never in her life so lost with her own feelings. What exactly was she feeling? Love? Crush? Attraction? Giddiness? Infatuation?

Well she knew what she was feeling right now at least. It was a sopping dampness between her legs along with a heavy sense of shame and guilt that she could feel such a way just from a touch. Her clothes, usually loose fitting, now felt tight and constricting.

She lured him to her room and laid him down on her bed. Going over her dresser, she laid out clothes for bed. She didn't need to look behind her to know that Jax faced his back to her. It was nice to know that he's as thoughtful as ever. It definitely made it easier to hide her arms from view, although she supposed she could've changed in another room. To be honest with herself, she was disappointed that he wasn't watching her as she changed.

She slipped into bed with him, under the covers after turning the light off of course. A small amount of moonlight leaked in from her two windows. Instead of dozing off, she found herself looking outside at the snow that began to gather on the ground, snowflake by snowflake. They all melded into one another to the point of looking more like thick blankets of white.

"Aren't you gonna try to sleep *hiccup*?"

"Aren't you?" She decided not to question how he knew she was still awake.

"Thou shall not dis' or tamper a question without an answer first. Dems the rules for people under this roof..."

She rolled her eyes at his over dramatic silliness that she found herself overtime unable to live without.

"Did you somehow forget you're already not a morning person? If you keep this up, not only will you be cranky from lack of sleep, but you'll have a hangover AND still have to go to school-"

"You say that like my morning's gonna suck ass and while that may be true, it's hard for me to not look forward to it because I've got such a great person to wake up to. Speaking of which, how long have we been a thing? Six days? Six weeks? Six months?"

"Two months actually," she sighs, getting lost in her memories, "shocking because I didn't expect to get this far..."

"We've got an even longer road ahead of us."

"I-I...I-I hope so. I hope so."

An emptiness settles in the depths of her gut, despite being next to a person with infinite value. She curled in on herself and clutched her knees to her annoyingly large chest. Her hair fell down her face and even got caught in her mouth, but she paid it no mind.

"Joseph, can you come here?"

There was silence followed by a slow yet steady stream of snores. Loud yet gentle and somewhat soothing, they came. Her chest hurt. Her eyes were wet and before she knew it, her cheeks were too. Here she was, alone, alone to her thoughts as her only source of company was knocked out like a victim from an assault.

"Bet you thought I was sleep? Didn't you?"

She kicked at Joseph. The hit connected, a bit hard but she couldn't bring herself to apologize despite the fact she desperately wanted to. Her voice seemed to disappear. There was shuffling beside her.

"Closer please," he did so, this time she could just about feel his warmth if she tried hard enough, "Closer please."

And so he came as he closed in on her and wrapped his arms around her in a sloppy embrace. He burrowed himself into her back.

"Watching the snow?" He asked, able to read her thoughts without needing to see her face. She nodded. She rubbed her sleeves while deep in thought.

"Do you see it? So many snowflakes and there isn't a single one exactly the same as the other. Yet we can't tell the difference. To us, they are all the same, white dots forming a pile. It's all they do and the snowflakes that don't land in this pile just melt away without a trace once. They go without notice and since they aren't noticed, they aren't cared for."

"Can't fault you for that one Debbie..."

"Such a beautiful creation of nature...gone in the blink of an eye."

"I didn't know this sleepover turned into Literature Class. That's oddly poetic of you. I trust this is something you thought of before," his body suddenly jolts as if coming to a realization, "That first comment was a joke. I couldn't tell if I hurt your feelings or not..."

"None taken, and yes. But tell me...have you ever felt this way? Like that snowflake? Like something meaningless? Like something that wouldn't be missed when it's existence is snuffed out? Like you're easily replaceable because there's nothing that sets you apart from the billions out there?"

It was foolish to ask something so solemn to a person not quite there in the head, but here she was asking. Here her mouth was running on its own without her even needing to think. He groaned as he shuffled about next to her. Just when she fearfully thought he was moving away from her, he brought her just the slightest bit closer. She hummed in relief yet at the same time, she berated herself for spilling her thoughts out to Joseph. The groan was a sign of agitation that she caused, burdening him with a rather depressing question and ruining his night all in one go. What a terrible girlfri-...friend. She stopped herself from going there or at least tried and failed anyway.

"You're probably thinking I'm agitated right now, which isn't the case, headache's just getting to me. Hell, maybe you're thinking how much I can't relate to such a feeling," he yawned, "There's always been at least one person there for me when anime, video games, manga, and just existing weren't enough to keep me going, but despite getting next to nothing great done, I've never felt insignificant...You must get that feeling a lot...?"

"I..." She tries to speak, but the words just won't come. She wanted desperately to confide in him her deepest feelings, her deepest insecurities, but she didn't have the words, didn't have the courage for what could possibly come from doing so. She settled begrudgingly for less, a whole lot less than she wanted and hoped for the best.

"It's nothing. What matters now is that I enjoy having you with me. Just having you in the same area is good enough for me... Can we keep it up?" The pain would most likely stay, but she'd rather not attempt to deal with it.

"Debbie...," he drooled a little on her shoulder, but she felt far from disgusted, "Tell me what's going on..."

"I really don't want to bring it up..." Somehow sweat slowly starts coating her forehead.

"Why are you suddenly nervous?"

She panics and it takes everything in her being to not show it in her breathing. She concentrated on getting one breath out at a time.

"No I'm just hot."

"No surprise with this thick ass cover. Here let me take this off..."

"I guess you have a point. I'll do it..." She was until she felt her arms slip out of the cover. She could swear she felt his penetrating gaze, probably squinting at her.

"On second thought... I-I'd much rather keep this on. I'll catch a cold otherwise."

"The heater's on..." Oh.

"If you're so hot, I'll just get off you then-"

"Don't do that!"

"Fine, but you have to do something for me first..."

"Anything..."

"Let me see your arms..."

"Sorry come again..."

"Lift up the cover just a little and I'll use the moonlight to take a look."

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.

"D-Do I have to?"

"It's really simple, but I'm asking as a boyfriend. Don't think I won't crawl out of this room, and give some attention to your glorious couch."

She remains silent yet solemn. The cover comes up without her input, and she freezes in place, bracing for judgement, bracing for disgust, bracing for betrayal, bracing for rejection, ...and bracing for loneliness.

He takes in her cuts, all the lines, scratches, and dead skin that marred her going from her wrists all the way up to her shoulder blade.

"AHHHHH!" She screams before she even knows she's screaming. That feeling of dread hit her like a ton of bricks as she took in his unreadable expression. Those eyes she'd come to love were above her and they were judging. His lips were parted. Please. She begged, not as ready for the hate and ridicule as she thought she was. Anyone but him. The whole world could be at her doorstep right now if it meant he wouldn't be here. The reality was crushing her, making her insides feel like they were being toyed with by the cold edge of the sharpest of blades. Her blood ran cold and she crawled to the other edge of the bed and pulled herself into a ball.

"Debbie...are you okay?"

She doesn't answer. She doesn't answer for a while actually, but she didn't here any shuffling to leave the room. She closes her eyes.

"No...The feeling just won't go away. Having you with me doesn't really help like it used to anymore. It makes the feeling intensify. I guess to an extent it's also like a distraction, and even though in some ways seeing you makes the feelings worse, I prefer it than being alone."

Her throat felt tight and constricted, but she kept pushing, "Why are we even dating? Why are we even dating when we know we're going to break up? I don't want it to happen, but I know it will. It's bound to, and when it does, it'll be just me and my books again. The worse part is that I'll never be able to get over it. Before I met you, I thought I was satisfied with just reading and writing, but after just a short amount of time, I don't want to go back to that. I could never be satisfied going back to that, not again. Don't make me go back to that..."

"What makes you think I'll leave you?"

"I don't know...boredom? Better options? Maybe you think I'm a freak, someone who deserves to be left alone. The infinite amount of possibilities hurt too much to think about," she grabs her head and becomes a shivering mess.

"Who...or what's better than you, Debbie?"

"Anyone...That's why I refrain from thinking or calling us boyfriend and girlfriend respectfully. I know it's only a matter of time."

Silence greets her. She prepares with bitter acceptance that this it. The greatest couple months in her life were over. The dream that she had was over just like that.

"Do you remember the first time we spent together? Who was the one that made the first move?"

"I did."

"Oh...oh...oh...crap you did..."

He went silent again and she failed to see what he could possibly be getting at. Could he be dragging this out as long as possible for some form of twisted enjoyment before finally leaving her life? Where was it? Where was the anger? Where was the relief of never having to date someone so needlessly complicated? Where was the irritation of having to listen to her problems?

"T-to make it even worse, you weren't meant to here my confession," she sniffled, "Knowing you, you probably just accepted out of pity, out of spur of the moment. You're too nice to me."

"W-well who replied with a I like you too immediately afterwards? Oh wait you already answered that. I still want to here you say it though."

"Y-You d-did."

"Ok. Progress. Let's pretend for a moment that I didn't have serious feelings for you. Let's pretend for a moment that I didn't want to spend every weekend with you or time in class with you. What would I gain from doing this if I was just going to leave?"

"..."

"Do you really love me? Enough to still want to stay even after all this?" she says gesturing to her cut infested arms.

"Enough to never look at another girl again. Enough to never talk to another girl again. Enough to never think about another girl again. Enough to talk to you some kind of way through every second of the day. I don't how in the hell I'll do that other stuff, especially considering the world is mostly populated by women, but I'll find a way if that makes you happy. All you need to do is say the word."

"Joseph...I..." She doesn't get the chance to finish; she's so caught up in her own tears. He somehow rolls her over and cups her cheeks. Lifting her head up slightly, she gets a good look into his eyes and then their lips meet. His breath reeked and his motions were sloppy. There was a lot of saliva on his end, but nothing mattered.

The feeling she got was overwhelming, so much so that she felt like all of her negative emotions and pent up frustrations and self pity were being wiped from existence. Her whole body feels warm and she doesn't hesitate to kiss back, sending her tongue into his mouth. All of her senses fail her, all except the sense of pure joy. She'd go as far as to say Joseph was the only thing that existed to her. Anyone could come in at this moment and she'd pay them no mind. The only thing that mattered ... was the person in front of her.

 **After one year, I'm finally back! I actually decided to take my writing seriously and add some plot and character depth to the mix. Please don't check out my other story; it's absolute trash I wrote when I was bored. I do plan on rewriting it very soon so stick around to read about it's greatness. This story is complete, but I did have a sex scene planned! I didn't add it because the story is nice as is however if you want to read it, leave a review or something!**


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